Brisbane Roar Appropriately Dispose Of Old Bodies

Now that Brisbane Roar’s record breaking Arthritic players’ season has ended, we may offer full scrutiny, and scrutinise, we will.

While it is well known the A-League is ideal for children and the elderly, whether you’re just progressing from the NPL or are settling into retirement in a country offering a year-round tan depending which City you settle in and how Mediterranean your skin is, this season Brisbane Roar kinda took the piss.

The Roar’s average starting eleven was around 1,065 years of age, which gave Sokkah fans everywhere even more ammo than George Calombaris grabbing an A-League fan by the shirt.

John Aloisi was called names like ‘insane’ and ‘lost his mind’ and ‘silver fox’ when announcing his star striker will be a 38 year old Italian because let’s face it, Italians barely do enough work at the age of 23 never mind when they’re one foot in the grave.

A player with about as much energy as a woman has eggs left to pro-create, was expected to replace the speedy 24 year old Jamie Maclaren.

Amongst this, Aloisi thought, why stop there? I want a team full of wisdom and experience, so much damn experience they will each be too selfish to pass to one another in great fear that this may just be their last professional goal.

Aloisi decided to poach Fahid Ben Khalfallah from the Melbourne Victory. Kevin Muscat and Fahid were not seeing eye to eye for a majority of the 16/17 season, assuming because Khalfallah is not associated with the Greek community.

However, throughout the off-season elderly increase, Jade North and Matt Mckay began to struggle with their new teammates. The Brisbane Roar duo created a ‘No Ben or Mass Club’ where they would sit in the rooms together and bond over the Roarcelona days.

Now player by player, John Aloisi is culling each fragile man from the team. At this stage we have had confirmation Massimo Maccarone, Fahid Ben Khalfallah and Jade North have all left the club. What is Aloisi’s next move? Will he turn around and surprise us next season? Wll he sign a new starting eleven that are all just Jack Hingert’s RSPCA rescue dogs? Will Aloisi scout the streets of a poor, war-ridden country and recruit children with nothing but a frail old ball? Or will we finally see a group of age-appropriate youngsters played in position? Who the hell knows.

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