FFA Pray We’re Not Drawn Japan In World Cup Qualifiers

On Thursday afternoon, the FFA decided to overshadow The Matilda’s recent successes on International Women’s Day with the announcement of Graham Arnold as the next Socceroos coach.

While this was pretty much common knowledge amongst the footballing community, many were stunned at the timing of this announcement as Graham Arnold will not be taking over until after the Russia World Cup.

The Matilda’s, 10 hours prior had gone down to Portugal in their Algarve Cup campaign, were secretly hoping the big announcement would be, I dunno, fair pay or something. But no, tucked away in their shared double beds, they opened their screens and discovered it was just another announcement for the men’s team. Off to sleep they went, preparing for their domestic 30 hour flight home.


Back at announcement HQ it was party central. One journalist even asking “Is it alright if we call you Aussie Arnie? Haha nah really congrats” the smiles were visible, the champagne was pouring and Matt Simon was rubbing his hands together.

Arnie has now jetted off to Japan to learn how to beat an Asian team. One of Arnie’s biggest weaknesses is Asians. Due to his lack of defending when an Asian applies pressure, he’s well known to bring back half the market after a visit to China Town.

It’s said he will camp out at training grounds, analyzing their movement and plays. We understand a group of members from The Cove have travelled to Japan early, to assist Arnie with this task. Unfortunately, they haven’t got very far due to the cheap prices of beer.


However, prior to his trip, Arnie enlisted in the help of a long-time friend, Tony Popovic. Arnie invited Popa over for tea and scones and while Popa did everything he could do analyze how exactly he will get the Sydney FC job, Arnie picked his Asian Champions League brain.    

While the team have been training with the coaches and performance staff in Japan during Arnie’s absence, we understand they’ve lost Michael Zullo in the sea of Asians. He drifted off during a team walk one day and due to his short stature, he never returned. The team are hoping he returns before the match on Tuesday.

Sydney FC play Kashima Antlers in the Asian Champions League on Tuesday at 9pm AEST and while their previous matches at home in this campaign have been an utter failure, well, there’s still no pressure on Graham Arnold. Because if he fails, it doesn’t matter cos he’s Graham Arnold and the Mariners went and did good stuff under him.  

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