FFA Seek Illegal Activity To Increase A-League Revenue

Over the past few weeks, flares and other illegal activity have been the talk of the footballing community. Discussions, debates and arguments have sparked. Opinions screaming to be heard, knowledge failing to get through. It has been the age old argument of Legal V Illegal.

As we know, flares are illegal in Australia due to the PM at the time being an asthmatic. Meaning, our active supports cannot look as lethal and awesome as those in Europe. We just have to stick to creative TIFO’s and flags, with an appropriate amount of chanting.

We all know flares are illegal yet football fans are still struggling with the concept. Most debates are along the lines of “yeah but what if they were legal!” “they’re not” “yeah but what if they were!” “they’re not” “yeah but..” etc. etc.


During FFA’s weekly round table how to increase revenue meeting, one smart fella came up with a beaut. “What if we allow legal pyro used in a monitored and accordingly manner?”

See the source image

The FFA are now researching products we can use in active support that will pass all the appropriate regulations. We believe they have employed a 65 year old Macedonian Pyro Technician for the supply of appropriate pyro and his 36 year old son who works in law, to authorize distribution in a timely, legal and regulated manner.


It is believed the FFA will also look into the following illegal activity and access whether it can have a positive financial impact on the A-League;

  • Use of performance enhancing drugs
  • Firearms held by active support to celebrate a goal 1950’s style
  • Public nudity – mainly for the Nix Yellow Fever in the final 20 of a game
  • Cocaine fueled half time shows
  • On-site prostitution
  • Replace several corporate boxes with Gaming Rooms
  • Physical violence accepted due to an unbelievable VAR decision or your team conceded during stoppage time

Here at TLL we are super excited to finally have a hit on the pokies prior, be sexually stimulated during, be mentally stimulated at half time and knock out the person sitting next to us when they chat shit all while in the nude at the next game.