Foreigner Takes Job From Hard Working Aussie

Socceroos coach front-runner Graham Arnold has been beaten to the position by Dutchman, Bert Van Marwijk.

While it was announced several days ago Arnold ‘withdrew’ from running, we believe it was all a conspiracy that he was in the running to begin with. We believe FFA, the actual Capo’s of The Cove (soz Addison) restricted Arnie from the process.

It is believed they took his name out of the hat they use to decide who will be offered the coaching position and forced him against his will to tell the media he declined the opportunity. Holding back tears as his dream of coaching the national team was slowly slipping away for the benefit of the FFA, Arnie abided by these instructions.


Arnie deep down was so excited about the position; he even had his own personalised green and gold jersey made with ‘Best Coach’ on the back.

However Van Marwijk has only been appointed until the end of the Russia World Cup campaign. Giving journalists the impression Arnie is to take over after his European Summer holiday.

Why do FFA care about Sydney FC if the A-League’s pure function is to fund the Socceroos you say? The conspiracy. It’s all in the conspiracy. You see fans from every other A-League team are constantly in conversation about the #SFCconspiracy. That referee’s, scheduling and FFA are bias towards Sydney FC. By fans maintaining this conversation, it raises metrics, Raised metrics means more investigation. More investigation means more viewers. More viewers means more sponsorship opportunities. More sponsorship opportunities means more $. More $ makes FFA :).

It’s been exposed by an ex-FFA employee that Australia’s 2022 World Cup BID ALONE cost $50 million. Which is roughly 1.25 capacity Sydney Derby’s. So we need all the sponsorship we can get and while McDonald’s is doing a stand up job, they can’t bare the pressure all on their own.


FFA are now exploring smaller cost-effective advertising methods in order to grow the game/gain more viewers and spectators. Some of these methods are along the lines of; doors of public toilets, letterbox drops and milk cartons.

On a completely different note if you like us on Facebook you will receive a 2 for 1 ticket to an A-League game of your choice!*

*we are just hoping FFA know of our existence to complain about us in order to gain more clicks and metrics and can look into sponsorship opportunities.