Match Review Panel Presents The Guidelines Of Appropriate Physical Harm

An incident that occurred on Saturday evenings Central Coast Mariners and Brisbane Roar clash has been sent to the Match Review Panel which has created uproar in the community.

The incident was between Wout Brama and Corey Gameiro. An emotional one at that as the 24 year old Brisbane forward has recently returned from serious injury. The two had collided and upon further investigation, Brama’s studs were raised as high as a Uni student on a long weekend. Luckily, Gameiro wasn’t injured and was able to walk it off however it was an emotional moment. Especially given the tackle showed similarities to a Karate move and we all know how Corey feels about Karate.

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On Monday morning the Match Review Panel deemed this incident a 2 week sentence. Brama is only to sit out 2 matches where if he pulled this move in a club we assume he’d see roughly 48 hours in a cell.

As the general public doesn’t understand this decision, we must now rely on the MRP to advise what we can and can’t do.

Below is a list of acceptable aggressive behaviour:

Do’s

  • Studs up shin tackles (only if shin pads are on)
  • Elbow to the head (only if you’re Sydney FC affiliated)
  • Hurt Besart Berisha in any way

Don’t

  • Spit at Matt Simon
  • Touch any Sydney FC player ever
  • Serve up a dodgy Seafood Buffet (this is now in the FIFA handbook)
  • Outsourcing the job of kit man to the youth team
  • Question the ref or fourth official
  • Swear in active support

This also applies to life away from football. When unsure as to what to do in a certain situation, just consult the MRP. The Match Review Panel has now created an app as their call centres have been inundated with confused football fans.

The Call Centre representatives are armed with spreadsheets ready to answer your queries. The programmers have simply downloaded these spreadsheets into the app and at the click of a button you will now know if you should drink that sixth $11 mid-strength stadium beer and what consequences may be caused from it.

Upon investigation we discovered the app comes with a VAR feature. If you are given a consequence to an action, you may review and question the decision. However it is very unlikely you will receive an answer within the necessary amount of time.

The Match Review Panel app is available only to members of an A-League club on all good devices.