Matildas Progress Kerr-tesy of Our Captain


Good morning people of Straya, and what a glorious morning it is as we rack up 4 goals to crack fear and doubt in the jaw and tell it to ‘suck on that one’, as we make our way into the Round of 16, for the Womens World Cup! I don’t know about you but ‘I’, for one, ACTUALLY FEEL GOOD ENOUGH TO GO TO WORK AFTER ANOTHER ALL NIGHTER. 

A 5am kick off time for the last game of the group stages and the only thing on everyones mind was, 3 points, 1st or 2nd place on the table and to be able to go to work, School, uni, wherever the hell you need to be, with a smile on our faces.

We got a little more than that, didn’t we?

Well if you missed it, here’s a little recap.

We kicked off against Jamaica with a strong start, Jamaica a little shaky as they come up against our dangerous attack, Lisa ‘Just F*ckin Strap It” De Vanna on our wing, our Captain Samantha “Suck On That One” Kerr leading the middle, with Emily “THE IMPOSSIBLE” Gielnik on the opposite side of the wing. With these 3, we’re looking to cause damage with no remorse, whatsoever, for our opposition.

And we did exactly that, with the opening goal by Sammy Kerr, on the 10th minute. A wonderful cross from Gielnik and a header by our Captain to make it 1 – 0. This is exactly what we want, an early lead and to get the job done before an unwanted mistake and falter in our team, to make the job harder, because lets face it…Us, Aussies, are known to always end up doing things the hard way…and it’s tested all of our mental strengths over the last couple years. Enough of the hard way, goddammit, my heart can’t take it anymore!

Moving forward, the play continues with a few soft calls from the ref, against Jamaica. I WASN’T COMPLAINING…but also I was because come on, it was sorta soft, man. Let Jamaica play on, keep us on our toes, give us a little bit of a run for out money, challenge us…BUT ALSO DON’T, please! I want to win.

The second goal comes just before half time on the 41st minute, a perfect lead for our girls, 2 – 0, but if I quote my fellow Talking Tilda panelist/close friend/TLL Doco director/Youtube sensation MichelleMorrisTV (subscribe)/Skyblue son of a b-…. “Rival”…, 2 – 0 lead is the most DANGEROUS lead known to the beautiful game…because look what happened against Brazil, aye. *wink*

We go to half time, I get a 10 minute nap, I wake up to the sound of the whistle and almost send the laptop flying due to the sudden jolt. Thank god for my reflexes, the laptop was saved before it hit the floor and I am, by some miracle, typing this article on it now.

As the game continues, the 2 – 0 comeback is on, as we DO INDEED FALTER, DROP OUR GUARDS AND JAMAICA SCORE THEIR FIRST! 2 – 1, as a through ball is sent to Havana Solaun, sent our defence into a blind panic, around the keeper she goes and into the net. Is it time to panic? Because I F*CKIN’ WAS!

Jamaica try again as Mathews dangerously lurks around the box, trying to find room on the angle and ends up sending a rocket, in towards Lydia Williams, which is THANKFULLY STOPPED. Mate, each time Williams saves a shot, I fall more in love with this woman’s skill.

It doesn’t end there, Jamaica refuse to give in, as Shaw speeds down the wing, heading towards Williams but send the ball up high, well away from our keeper and the goals, but it’s not long until she has another chance on goal, same angle, same idea but this time Williams comes to the rescue AGAIN to parry the ball well away.

We start to find out feet again and find ourselves in Jamaica’s half, with Ellie Carpenter doing her thing, running down the wing at speeds which still leave me stunned and yelling at the laptop screen with pride, like a proud mum of a child…who is not mine…and like, 3 years younger than me. Ellie passes the ball forward, a simple pass towards Raso that makes all the difference, though, a pass that turned south quite quickly but a recovery by ‘Ribbons’ as she runs circles around the 3 defenders, sends it in towards Sam Kerr and BAM! 3 – 1! A HAT TRICK FOR SAMMY! 68 minutes left and we only have 22 minutes left to hold onto this bloody lead, to make it to the round of 16!

Do we? YES WE DO, on the 82nd minute with a mistake by the Keeper and a interception by Sammy, to kick an unguarded ball into the back of the net to make it 4 – 1!

FOOOUUURRR BLOOODDYYY ONNNNEEEEE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! And we’re 2nd on the table and into the round of 16.

4 on the night for our Captain and another reason to scream out with pride, “NEVER SAY DIE”.

We take on Norway at 5am on Sunday, the 23rd of June and thank god it’s a Sunday game, because I have no where to go, nothing to do and I can catch up on the 2 weeks of sleep I HAVE MISSED OUT ON, before my body seizes.

Until Sunday, stay calm, stay confident and tell whoever has something negative to say about the Tildas, to SuCk On ThAt OnE (I’m gonna stop saying it now and save it for when we win the World Cup).

By Christina Trajceska

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