Nix Recruit Marquee Nelly Yoa In Attempt To Salvage Their Season

Wellington Phoenix are miserably last on the ladder. The #NixOut campaign is getting stronger and talks are getting louder.

After their scrappy 2-1 defeat to Melbourne City on Saturday Night, Darije Kalezic met up with a good friend of his at a trendy Melbourne rooftop bar, Nelly Yoa.

Nelly Yoa has flown under everyone’s radars, even though he only JUST missed out on a position with the Socceroos, Fox Sports never made a ‘Bolter’ package. However Darije is aware of Nelly’s struggles; trialing for Chelsea and QPR but constantly told he just doesn’t have what they’re looking for. Nelly settled for the Maltese second division rather than offers from Australia and Asia. You just can’t make this shit up.

While currently residing in Melbourne as the skinniest, scrawniest player to ever step foot into the Collingwood Football Club’s change rooms, Darije found an opportunity.

Darije has been looking for that spark, a versatile player. A player who’s able to make those fast runs into the final third. A player who has the background of Australian Rules Football in order to spark a bit of VAR controversy. A player who’s knows his way around media and the camera.

We asked Darije Kalezic this morning when we ran into him during his Orthadox Christmas brunch and he explained ‘I want player who can go go go. He can go go go. He no good enough for Chelsea, but he good enough for the Nix’.

While this seems all true, clearly anyone not good enough for Chelsea, or even a fourth division English League club currently suffering relegation is still good enough as a Marquee for the Nix, we wonder how he will fit into the A-League? How will he go up against the likes of Nigel Boogard, Daniel Georgievski, Taylor Regan, Dino Djulbic, Alex Wilkinson just to name a few. This is assuming he’s a striker, as we haven’t actually got a clue what position he plays.

Nelly will play his first match at home against the Victory and show Musky what he could’ve had. Musky, shaking in his suede shoes that he could’ve had the lanky kid prone to ACL injuries that he declined giving a multi-million dollar deal due to the fact he had never played for a professional team before.


However since hearing of the news, Melbourne Victory have been inundated with applications to trial from soccer twitter stating they are the next Nelly Yoa.

We wish the Nix all the luck in the world with their new signing and hope this brings some excitement to the fans struggling to get their kits off around the 80th minute. We also can’t wait to see good friend of his, Usain Bolt, at a Nix home game.