Saturday Nights Sydney Derby saw the Wanderers looking about as flat and dry as their current Parramatta Stadium.
In a 5-0 defeat, the Wanderers community are asking, what went wrong? You could blame their starting line up, you could blame lack of hunger or you could blame the FFA.
One thing is for sure, you can’t blame Vedran Janjetovic. As a spectator in attendance, it was like a one man show back there. I haven’t seen six men assault a lone Croatian in Western Sydney like that since like, Thursday night.
Wanderers defense left so much space between themselves and lurking Sydney FC forwards, one would have you believe Adrian Mierzejewski was letting a few rip in the penalty box. Meanwhile Alex Brosque had so much time in the midfield, he could’ve baked a panettone and served it to the long-standing Sydney FC members whom were packing the corporate hospitality.
While Sydney FC were barely playing at 20%, the match was a competition of ‘who is less shit’ and clearly, North-East Sydney are the less shit Sydney side. While the whole league at the moment is looking a little ‘pick the least shit team and just follow them’ rather than the ‘gotta have a team’ campaign, we can all admit, the game was hard to watch. While Sydney FC scored a couple of beauties, plenty of immigrant Australians would’ve been watching this prime-time match on FTA saying (in accent) “What is this shit?”.
But Sydney FC didn’t care, they beat their crosstown rivals, they are the better Sydney team. Most noticeably, 28 year old Dutchman, Jordy (Yeah The Buijs) Buijs did not in the least care about anything else in the world at the full time whistle. He was stoked. He was more than stoked. He was f***ing going off-tits. “This. My team. These boys. I HAVE NO WORDS!” Jordy screamed before joining The Cove for a shoey.
Jordy was seen late into the night at sponsors, The Star Casino throwing chips, smoking cigars in the VIP and breakdancing to some bangers in Marquee. He and several Cove members partook in traditional Dutch and Australian customs. While seen dancing in clogs and playing beer pong with strippers, the rest of the players went home to their families to have a quiet bev and rest.
Late into the night Jordy was initiated into the 5-0 rule and got ‘YTB’ tattooed on his right ass cheek. We grabbed Jordy on his out from the Kebab shop next door to the Tattoo Parlor as he explained “These are my boys. I now bleed sky blue. I love my boys. I love the Cove and I love Tim Tams! Like where has this shit been my whole life!”.
While Sydney FC fans will continue to watch the replay over and over, throw shade at Wanderers fans and just unleash their smug so far across the city, where does this leave the poor Wanderers fans? Some believe they are the cause of the recent lighter and matches shortage throughout metropolitan Sydney suburbs, as they’re planning an early demolition of ANZ stadium as they would prefer jail time than ever having to be reminded of this horrible time in their lives.