That’s Sir Lowy To You

In a world of Chiefs and Indians, Rich and Poor, Leader and Follower, there are those who reach for the stars and others build the spaceship.

In a beautiful ceremony over the weekend, while we were facing more crisis’ in Australian Football, Frank Lowy was dubbed a Knight by Queen Liz. Frank Lowy, our emperor of Football and savior of the free footballing world in Australia was knighted due to his recent work in continuing to support English Premier League as the best league in the world.

It is believed Liz is a massive Man United fan and has been working closely with the authorities of the EPL to ensure it is and always will be the best league in the world. Liz has recently swayed the big leagues like La Liga, Serie A and Bundesliga to be not as good as EPL. Her workers ensure they stay on top of all the scandals. Creating match fixing problems, investigating tax fraud and occasionally tampering with training pitches to weaken muscle tissue throughout the week making it easier for injuries to form and slowly eliminating skillful players.

In recent years she began to notice the rise of the A-League. Brisbane Roar’s back to back Championship initially caught waves from overseas and since with big clubs like your Melbourne Victory’s and Sydney FC’s, have caught too many headlines for her liking. With the strong English influence in our country, she worries our intriguing and competitive league has the potential to be the biggest in the world.

Frank Lowy has been working directly with Liz and her representatives to ensure the A-League stays at a sub-par quality while still maintaining a decent cash flow into FFA’s pockets. Recently Frank has created difficult administrative red tape for teams, slashed grassroots funding, maintained low earning salaries for players ensuring the league is not attracting large names, avoiding promotion and relegation to keep the game a boring 10-team fight and pumped cringe-worthy pop-culture themed rounds.

Our league may never be larger than the EPL but it’s our little league and my God we will strive to continue the cringe-worthy own goals, sloppy turnovers, incompetent refereeing and all-round poor play.

(photo credit @AardigOranje )