Tim Cahill Rolls Ankle

Friday Night Football, 9 days before Part 7 of Australia’s World Cup 2018 Qualifying narrative, the unforgivable happened. Within 20 minutes of the Sky Blue Derby, Tim ‘Australia’s Very Own’ Cahill trips over Jordy ‘Yeah The Boys’ Buijs.

Simultaneously Australia’s hearts fell into their mouths. Unfortunately due to rapid FFA funding cuts, they have no option but to continue injecting Tim Cahill with what is to be believed as ‘Youth Juice’. An unknown substance designed to allow a 37 year old to act and feel as though they are 24. Side effects do include smug behavior, over use of emoji’s and constant social media interaction. However society accepts these flaws as his magical head has gotten us further than The Nix have to travel every second week.

We spoke with a seagull at AAMI Park at half time on his opinion of the incident “IT LOOKED DELICIOUS”. One of the 4,851 patrons attending the match described it as ‘more frightening than when John Aloisi was coaching us’.


We believe Tim Cahill is currently undertaking the worlds finest post match recovery. Specialised Physiologists of the Royal Family will be arriving on the Melbourne City Football Clubs’ helicopter pad within minutes, all at the expense of FFA, of course.

If Tim Cahill is not fit enough to start against Honduras, it is believed Sydney FC will be stricken of their Footballing License and Wollongong Wolves will replace their NSW position.

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