Legacy Has Left The League

Amongst the kerfuffle that is Australian Football at the moment, Wednesday morning we all awoke to the shocking news of a Timmy Cahill mutual termination with Melbourne City.

Unbelievable to think after FFA invested 20% of their yearly salaries and all their faith in Timmy saving the A-League. The FFA approached Timmy and explained if he does not do Sam Kerr-like things to make headlines then he’s gotta go. Unfortunately Timmy was unable to do a backflip due to his weakening, frail bones as well as barely able to score wonder goals with the poor delivery from their Polish Marquee Midfielder from the bench.

It’s believed Real Madrid have made a bid for Timmy Cahill with Zidane seeking an 8 minute player who can smash in a Bale set-piece with his head. However Timmy has declined as the doorways are too narrow for both his and Ronaldo’s heads.

Sources have confirmed the free agent has contacted Los Angeles FC who join the MLS in the upcoming 2018 season as he’s a massive Will Ferrel fan, who is a key investor of the club. The club represents everything Timmy’s about, flashy kits and merch, the LA lifestyle and celebrity endorsements.

What does it mean for Australian football and Australia’s World Cup 2018 aspirations? Hopefully Timmy can maintain the lifestyle of green juices, chia puddings and acai bowls because lord knows he’s able to afford it, in order to keep his rapidly ageing body in fighting form.

However if not, this does make space for a younger, more youthful talent if our *insert coach here* doesn’t wish to move forward with a dinosaur. At TLL we have high hopes for Victorian born, Jamie Maclaren who is currently playing in Germany at SV Darmstadt 98. If Jamie can work hard enough to impress his coaches to secure regular game time, Australia might experience what most 20 something year olds do after a night out at Kings Cross, having a handsome 24 year old penetrate deep into the box and finish the opposition off with a bang.